Friday, August 15, 2014

HOPE... a Letter to Infertile and Childless Couples

It's Been on my mind for the past few weeks to write a bit of wisdom and understanding concerning becoming a parent through adoption. Mainly in part, because I have so many sweet friends and associates who are still Waiting for the Miracle of a Child.

These friend of mine are smart, educated, have nice homes, pets, degrees, are well-respected in the community and GIVE so much to those they serve yet, they long to be called Mommy and Daddy.

 Their arms ache for a child and their hearts seem to be held together with strings of hope after such long periods of time without kids. I've Been there. Maybe in a different way and time in my life but, I've had those crummy, hard experiences. Like speaking in church on mothers day after three years of infertility and empty arms. Or days when I didn't want to try any more, like after I lost the 5th baby on my birthday one year!

I want you precious and wonderful couples to know that HOPE is okay to have again!!! YEP, after 20 some odd negative signs on your pregnancy tests- I challenge you to GAIN an ounce of Hope and see where it leads you. One Condition though... YOUR HOPE MUST BE IN GOD'S PLAN FOR YOU and YOUR FAMILY.


Yep, That comes with learning to Trust In God all over again. and believe you me, I have done my fair share in trying to Bargain with the Almighty!

It doesn't fly with Him who Knows all things- It took me YEARS to adopt the philosophy of BEING ON GOD's ROLLER COASTER and enjoying the highs and lows and views from every angle- or just trying to hang on thru the parts that were hard!

You see Sometimes we think we know what is best and we expect things in our time, in this instance, I'm Talking about having children. But, what we cannot see is How God is working in us while we do not have them. PATIENCE is a virtue we are constantly working on. I love this Talk about Patience. Here's a excerpt...

In the 1960s, a professor at Stanford University began a modest experiment testing the willpower of four-year-old children. He placed before them a large marshmallow and then told them they could eat it right away or, if they waited for 15 minutes, they could have two marshmallows.
He then left the children alone and watched what happened behind a two-way mirror. Some of the children ate the marshmallow immediately; some could wait only a few minutes before giving in to temptation. Only 30 percent were able to wait.
It was a mildly interesting experiment, and the professor moved on to other areas of research, for, in his own words, “there are only so many things you can do with kids trying not to eat marshmallows.” But as time went on, he kept track of the children and began to notice an interesting correlation: the children who could not wait struggled later in life and had more behavioral problems, while those who waited tended to be more positive and better motivated, have higher grades and incomes, and have healthier relationships.
What started as a simple experiment with children and marshmallows became a landmark study suggesting that the ability to wait—to be patient—was a key character trait that might predict later success in life. 1

So, my point here is that the time i was childless, i was being taught patience and i have become a stronger more independent and successful person and that has helped me in every facet of my life. Though at the time it was just tough to hear from others, to just be patient and wait. I have received double the blessings just as the children received twice the reward in this experiment.

I hated the comments like :" Just go on a long vacation and you will get pregnant. "Or " stop trying and then you will conceive ." I Knew that the option of Adoption was something i had already embraced in my youth. I was told at 16 yrs of age that it would be hard or nearly impossible for me to have children. But, i still grieved in my own ways. The grief cycle is a Mack Truck aiming right for your heart! I was angry at people who were pregnant or looked too young to be pregnant. I was upset at hearing about young moms who could just sneeze and they were with-child. I remember  one night in a restaurant hearing a mom complaining about her kid being so clingy and just thinking " Gosh, i would die to have that!"

Through all of that- the Grief, The love, the desires, the disappointment, I remained Steadfast to the HOPE of becoming a mother one Day. And God did not let me down!

With my four kids, two through adoption and 2 through biological conception, I am one busy women. 
My Message for you who feel Hopeless or Forgotten by God- YOU ARE NOT ALONE and you are NOT FORGOTTEN. Sometimes you just need to Open all the Windows and Let the Lord lead you. 
One of my friends tried tradition adoption and the day after the baby was born the birth mother changed her mind, she did Foster care and had seven placements none whom she adopted, then she tried embryo adoption but it didn't stick, then back to FC and no luck again. She finally threw her hands up to God and Let Him lead and less than a year later( after seven long years) they were blessed with a beautiful little girl!

SO, Don't think that for one Second that you have to be childless or you are resorting to live a childless life. Get busy doing everything possible to OPEN the Windows and avenues to Find the Child or Children who are meant to be in your family. PRAY, Get your message out to others, make a pass-along card with your desire to become a parent through adoption, Get online and get a profile out there so others can connect to you and your story. Go through Foster Care training , get connected with others who are also in this field. Meet agencies or attorneys who deal with this on a daily basis. Volunteer anywhere you can. Be PROACTIVE! DO SOMETHING!!! children do not just magically fall in your lap( well, in most cases)- you need to SEEK and YE SHALL FIND. 

The Saddest thing to see is a couple who has given up hope and resorted to live a less than ideal 

life when there has been little to no effort to achieve the outcome they most desired. 

One more Time... in case you heard me wrong " GET OFF YOUR FANNY AND GET MOVING- Time waits for no man- Babies do not fall out of the sky. There are children in foster care and orphanages who would LOVE to have you as parents- you just need to do all you can and HOPE and TRUST in the LORD and ASK HIM TO GUIDE YOU!

You can Look at a beautiful Sunset and be sad that the day is over- OR you can think of the gorgeous Sunrise that awaits the following morning! God Gives us these to remind us of the Beauty of all His creations- imperfect as we are- we still deserve to become parents!

During this childless time...You should BECOME the parents you want to be BEFORE the kid gets here- Set Goals, Save your money, get in better shape, learn to cook, take a few more college courses, go on an adventure or two, learn a new skill,  Journal, volunteer, join a club or a gym or a social group, Strengthen your marriage, get some needed vacation and some therapy. Work through your demons or addictions, Conquer those things that are holding you back- or what-have-you! DO NOT WAIT!

This is the Land of HOPE and Opportunity and  Becoming a Parent is not impossible through the Miracle of Adoption and other advances in technology. 

We must take a quick inventory on our challenges and trials and decide if we want to WHINE and WAIL and ask WHY ME.? Or we can see WHy and How God has been shaping us to becoming Stronger and better people. "disappointments can be seen either as a prelude to continued failure in our lives or as occasions for great personal growth and even the beginning of truly outstanding performance.  "
 full article

I want to finish with a piece about being Grateful in Any Circumstance- in hopes that those who read this might consider a paradigm shift...

It is easy to be grateful for things when life seems to be going our way. But what then of those times when what we wish for seems to be far out of reach?
Could I suggest that we see gratitude as a disposition, a way of life that stands independent of our current situation? In other words, I’m suggesting that instead of being thankful for things, we focus on being thankful in our circumstances—whatever they may be.
There is an old story of a waiter who asked a customer whether he had enjoyed the meal. The guest replied that everything was fine, but it would have been better if they had served more bread. The next day, when the man returned, the waiter doubled the amount of bread, giving him four slices instead of two, but still the man was not happy. The next day, the waiter doubled the bread again, without success.
On the fourth day, the waiter was really determined to make the man happy. And so he took a nine-foot-long (3-m) loaf of bread, cut it in half, and with a smile, served that to the customer. The waiter could scarcely wait for the man’s reaction.
After the meal, the man looked up and said, “Good as always. But I see you’re back to giving only two slices of bread.”____------____-----

Are we Always looking at the meadow of wildflowers and pointing out all the cow patties instead of gazing at the flowers and views ahead?
I look back on my years of childlessness and my miscarriages with such fondness now ( i know hindsight is 20/20). I enjoyed the time alone with just my hubby- we grew so strong during that time- we are better for it. He is such a fabulous father and husband and through all of our Trials- I have Seen the Hand of God in our lives. I have been helped, loved, guided and served by those around me during my tough times. I have enjoyed the Upside down loops and slow climbs to the top on this Roller Coaster Ride. I'm not perfect nor am I anywhere near it- I just know that I was not forgotten during my trials and NEITHER are you! Now, Go and DO all that you can to find your missing pieces to your family. Be guided by the Holy Spirit, Commune with God, Ask with Faith and Hope and TRUST HIM for He knows you better than you Know yourself! 
God Bless you on this Journey and Hold Fast --The Light will Come- and It will be Glorious!




Sunday, May 25, 2014

the future is YOURS...

So, Make it count!

We think about the future all the time- and yet we remain present in the Present! We love every second of our time and have a blast being parents! When our girls sing along in the car or the boys play blocks together, even when they are all Crying or whining we wouldn't trade it for anything!

We sat down with and Financial planner a bit ago and they showed us these BIG overwhelming numbers for college savings and asked the big Question " Are you planning on having any more children in the future?" We both looked at each other and said a resounding YES, we are! We plan on adopting out of the country in a couple years and it may be one or 2 and we never know WHO GOD has lined up for us that currently isnt in our plan in between or after that time!

The guys looked baffled but, said OKAY , lets restructure some numbers around!

Honestly, it would be SO easy to just be DONE with having and adopting children at this point. Seriously, Slade is walking well now, Everybody is healthy and Happy and we love their tiny personalities but, WHEN you have that NAGGING feeling in your whole being that your family is not complete- you LISTEN to it and you PRAY and let yourself be LED by God's desires for you.

 We are excited to see WHO it is or WHO they are. These precious children that aren't in our family yet or may not even be born yet- We will greet them some day with loving open arms and hearts and It will be wonderful! This is still years away so, no pressure at the moment- but, We keep thinking about this upcoming day every so often and we talk about it as well. My girls ask about their sisters or brothers they have yet to meet and what they will be like. It's awesome! One Day.... in the future we will be united and then, maybe, we will feel complete as a family unit! There will be no empty spaces in our hearts longing for these missing pieces to our family puzzle anymore. That will be one BLESSED DAY!

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

NEW home, New Chapter

SO... (drumroll please) WE BOUGHT A HOUSE! YEP, we did it. Sorry for the lack of pics right now- you will get them soon! We found a place up in the Mountains of CO and we are LOVING IT! Though we haven't moved in yet- every time we visit it- it feels a bit more like home. We did demo on the house last friday and i sledge-hammered the kitchen tile today and we have had lots of help to get it to the 89% completely demoed phase. There is still more stone to remove from the fireplace and more flooring and tack strip to remove but, WE ARE SO CLOSE! Next is gas lines ran to the kitchen, upgraded and new furnace and HVAC stuff, some plumbing and electrical work then THE GOOD STUFF- new floors, new paint, new counters, new appliances, new doors , new trim etc...

We are however doing some RECLAIMED projects too ( another day i'll talk about it).

Today, the Rainbow play set got installed in our yard ( did i mention it's 2.4 acres?)
G-man also locked the KEYS in our car! Luckily our new sweet neighbor said " take my car and go get your other keys!" I told him it was a half hour away and he said " I'm no going anywhere- go get them!" That was so kind of him!
 While we waited for B& B to come back , A, G, S & myself all played in the basement living room all kind so games like Airplane, steam roller, keep away, tickle wars, wake the mummy and the hour passed by so fast!

Now , we are home , I'm sore, ready for a Sitz bath, and we start preparing for OUR GUESTS to come for Gman's Birthday! Can't believe He is already going to be 3! DUSTIN, TAMMY, JOSH and the Girlfriends are coming to celebrate and also help with some home projects too. We have lots of fun planned and I'm excited to Get this CHOO CHOO party ready!




And I have been doing some ADOPTION photography as well!
OPen Adoption RoCKs!

These two women will be forever bonded b/c of this sweet little miracle!

The school year is almost over and i couldn't be happier! Being the room parent was a blast 
and I will do it again if possible! So, with all that - i stay busy! House demo and reno, kids, working out, photos, guests , birthday parties, and now I'm a showing assistant for B's referrals too! I'm BEAT every single day! I have no idea how working women do it all, then again most don't have 4 kids!

On That note- ENJOY the beginning of SUMMER- you deserve to have some fun after this LONG school year! 

Monday, April 14, 2014

Re- Homing

YUP, lots of re-homing is going on over here! Our sweet Furry boy, Hemi, just spent 6 days with his new family. He has 2 other mastiffs and a boston terrier to run around with. He has 2 fenced acres and lots of love and attention by his new parents.

It is very bittersweet for us. He has spent 2 yrs in our care! He will be missed but we know He will have such a better life than we can currently offer him. He will get more walks, more playtime, more "siblings" more love and attention and be cherished for the great Dog He is! Hemi's new dad is almost out of hospital, recovering from surgery and His new mom will be picking him up from us shortly. We are privileged to have an open adoption and have been watching Him while surgery has been taking place. 


ALSO 
WE ARE RE-HOMING TOO!

Yep, We found a home in the mountains and are excited about the 2.4 acres, and almost 4k square feet of living space. It will be such a new adventure and our family will See if we love it!
Once we close , we are renovating and going to take 4-6 weeks getting it all done! We even have some birth family members coming up to help (gavin's birth dad is also an electrician!) When it all happens i will post more but, for now, i just wanted to highlight  all the FEELINGS associated with CHANGE, Re-Homing/ placing / adoption etc...

With our first dog when we found her a new home- i bawled and bawled. With Hemi, I have been having little cries here and there more peace b/c i MET the couple, chatted with them more, and trust them completely. It easier b/c it's OPEN adoption- if i or they have a question- we can chat. YES, He is not a human and i can't compare the two but, in my world, I've only placed animals b/c i couldn't give them what they needed. Birth parents do the same- They place b/c they LOVE their child more than anything and choose to TRUST in another to give that child everything they cannot give. Birth parents ARE more than amazing and a MIRACLE- they are PEOPLE with feelings and lives, and history. I hate it when i meet new parents via adoption and they talk about their BP's like they are dysfunctional or not as cool as they are! That needs to change. I'm so blessed by our open adoptions and of course our birth families and birth parents- we are so fortunate to have good relationships. We do- b/c we communicate and try not to assume but, ask when we need to ask and listen to each other. 
WE LOVE OUR FAMILY- however they come into our lives!

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

getting BIG! Gavin update

G-man is growing like a weed and will be 3 in May! He is working hard learning is words, colors, shapes etc. He is 90% of the way potty trained, loves cars, trucks, and most importantly CHOO CHOOs !!!
 He plays well with Slade and teaches him funny things ! He loves his HUGE doggie- Hemi , and crawls all over him. 


He loves anything physical and enjoys hugs kisses and snuggles and is very affectionate and friendly. He hates going down to sleep and doesn't like certain foods these days but that changes day to day! He is roughly 30.5 lbs and is a SOLID little guy. Not much body fat on him ( except in the two cheek areas:) We are so blessed by our little man , our open adoption with his Loving birthmom and birthdad. Seriously- we are LUCKY and overjoyed by this FUN, loving Mini Man!

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Brielle's Bday! YAY!

B picked a Zebra, blues and yellows theme for her GLAM party!


We Had so much fun having a Glamorous Party for Brielle. We decorated ( which she loves to do)

found cute ribbons and zebra stuff over the last 6 months and had fun putting together goody bags!
My kids think parties are boring without GOODY BAGS ( tee hee- once Aria asked if our adult friends party was going to have a pinata and goody bags and when we said no she replied "WHAT KINDA PARTY IS THAT GOING TO BE THEN!" it was hilarious!

The bags had lip gloss , some treats and a mini cosmetics bag!
Of course we played mother May I? and had stations for bow making, getting fingernails painted and ...

Getting the Makeup done with a Princess mirror and a cute artist too!



THIS YEAR is a year of cupcakes.. easy for me and Brielle wanted ones with her colors:)



All the girls had a great time and everyone left with smiles and bows and fun memories! It was a nice party and i often forget how GREAT big girls who don't whine ARE!



Now.. on to planning Gavin's and Aria's Bday then we are done for 6 months!

We are so blessed by our big girl and our open adoption with her Birth families! LOVE IT SO MUCH!


Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Ski/Board Bunnies!

As presents to ourselves , Brielle & I got ourselves Powder passes to Copper Mt. Resort for this season!
She had her first lesson ( from me) for the first 30 mins and enjoyed the magic carpet and practice Area- then we hit the Bunny slope- Green Acres!

She loved it and begged for the BIG LIFT! I picked up boarding after a few sloppy runs and working out the kinks again ( it's been 2 ish years since I've been) and so we had a fun lunch then hit the first BIG run off American Eagle called Easy Road and See n Ski. B kept saying " see you at the bottom" b/c she would pass me often( i let her or would get stuck on the flat parts) and when it came to really going downhill- she got skiddish. I kept saying " just do the PIZZA the whole way down!" she went about 2/3 of the way on her skis and 1/3 on her bum! She whined at times and said how hard it was!

But all in all - it was so much fun and we both can't wait to go again! Love having my big girl do fun things with me! So Blessed!

Monday, February 10, 2014

Slade turned 1!!!

It happened so fast! Can't believe He is already a toddler. ( not walking yet- thank goodness)

He had a little monster party!
He Had monster-good clementine& lime citrus cupcakes with Dairy free citrus buttercream!
Ulubulu.com had awesome monster bibs and targets dollar bin had reusable lunch totes with monster faces on them and cute flatware too! The kids made thier own monster finger puppets with felt, googlie eyes and pipe- cleaners & glue. Build-a-bear is a MUST for our kids 1st b-days and this little monster/alien looking outfits was just perfectly fitting for the party! Of course the  Monsters Inc. crew had to sneak into the scene as well! We had such a fun time with 3 of my fav. families and their kiddos! I got the adorable banner on ETSY and had streamers, and balloons in greens, blues and oranges!
HE LOVED his first big treat! ALso, i picked up his MONSTER shirt at Savers! ( look around for one use clothing and don't waste your money on buying new- especially since i knew he'd thrash it!)

Our kids always get a Build-a-Bear and a piggy bank on their 1st b-days! Something soft to cuddle when we can't be there and something to start saving for your future! 

Monday, January 27, 2014

Back tracking...

My kids had so much fun over the break and Holidays! more on the winter break and Christmas soon!

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Way overdue!

SO... myself, Slade and Brielle all had Birthdays this month! Slade is now 1- i can't believe it! I seriously and holding him and knocking him over when he stands so, he will just crawl longer and stay a baby longer ( okay not really knocking him- just not encouraging walking)
It seems like weeks ago- He was just born. We were going to name him TROY or SHANE but, neither stuck! He was a large 8 lbs 14 oz. and a few hours shy of 42 weeks. He is a bundle of joy in every way!

I will miss every part of His tiny-ness when he grows- just as i Miss all my kids being babies. I have to say- that Slade is the most cuddly baby we have had- and so chill ( except for hen he is teething!)

I was looking back at Brielle's photos too...
 Her  3rd bday!
 Her first haircut after SHE first cut her hair!
 After we moved to CO- she was 4.5

Brielle is about 5.5 here before we moved to our current home. 
SHE IS A DIVA!
And we are so blessed by her! WE LOVE that she is growing into such a great young lady who is so loving and cares for others. She has gotten more cuddly as she has grown. When she was a baby- she would have her bottle then be off- no snuggles- just get busy attitude but as she has grown- she is much more cuddly and is our kid who gets up at night and hops into our bed the most ( and sometimes just sleepwalks around the house). We are also so grateful for our OPEN ADOPTION with her birth families. They are above an beyond what we could have imagined. They are an extension of our family in ever way! Love them so much!

Monday, January 20, 2014

Fun American Girl and Doll craft night!


Yep- My daughters are ALL into dolls now and having so much fun crafting polymer clay foods, accessories and such- SO- we are having a craft night - email me for details!

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Christmas PAST- flashback to 2011

 GAVIN WAS ONLY ABOUT  6 MONTHS_ HE WAS SOO TINY!
 look at TREVOR( on Todd's lap by Gavin- looks a lot like SLADE)




 I LOVE GINGERBREAD SO MUCH- I THINK IT"S AN ADDICTION


 Gavin's Birth dad and Birth family on that side!

WE LOVE OPEN ADOPTION!