Our Family ~ Nov 2017

Our Family ~ Nov 2017

Monday, July 8, 2019

Transition to Grace

I have tried to write this blog post at least 7 times in the last 10 months. It's truly the hardest thing to start and really to finish.

WHY? Why is it so hard ? Well, because what I'm writing, living and understanding is, that not everyone is going to like what I'm going to say.... And That's Fine with me (now). But 9/10 months ago my skin wasn't so thick and my journey was still in the exploration stages.

Anyways, Here it is...

I left the Mormon Church I so dearly loved. And so did my whole family.
Image result for image walking out of a door
There, I said it! (sound the trumpets of judgment now)

Many Outsiders ( non-mormons)  have said : " Who cares! Thank God above. We've been praying for you, It's your Journey and I wish for the best for you" ( apathy or general Love)

Most Mormons generally respond with things like:
 ( these are what I've actually heard)

"You are going to lose your kids, your family. "You are following Satan. Your opinion is BS. You listened to some one's opinion and are following the ways of the World - Not God" "You can still come back. It will be difficult but, you can do it" "I can't believe you are willing to Give up your family forever" "What did you read? Did your hubby push you into leaving? You will not find happiness and joy outside of the Church. Did you just wake up and think, I want to give up on all these rules and being LDS? Are you going to love us/ like us any less? You must have never had a TRUE Testimony anyways. I guess you are one of the Tares. In the last days many people will falter and leave the church- you must be one of the weak ones who fell" ( fear based/ feelings based emotions)

FEW mormons have responded with " My friendship doesn't stop bc you left . I like you no matter what" "you are still welcomed here, I'm glad you found what makes you happy and you have peace about it. It's important you find what works for you.

Now...

If you are still reading this and didn't immediately block me bc I'm now a Horrific Person- Thank you- you are better than most. If you did-  You likely aren't a true friend anyways and your love and friendship were Conditional.

So, Here's a bit of my story...

I went on a personal inquest to understand God's Unconditional Love for Me, to work through some  grief, current guilt and shame of never Feeling like I am Enough, doing enough etc ( in the Mormon faith we are taught to BE YE PERFECT, regular temple attendance, read the BOM daily, fulfill a calling, have food storage, do genealogy, eat clean ( barely any mormons actually keep the WOW), keep your home like a temple, serve people in your ward and friends, pay a full tithe- otherwise you will have blessings withheld), and to understand the History of the Mormon Church I was literally upholding to the T.

 I was a YW presidency leader, Held a temple recommend, loved all those I served and stayed out of the gossip chains. I focused on doing my best and still- things were unsettled and missing. SO, it must mean I need to get a better understanding of My faith and church History. So, I started at Square one- Joseph Smith.....

( the rest of the story you can talk personally to me about)

I NEVER LEFT GOD OUT OF THIS PROCESS AND HIS SPIRIT IS STILL WITH ME


Needless to say- that Journey included continued Prayer, credible resources from the church, understanding Christianity and the differences between it and Mormons view of Christians (just fyi- Mormons do think you are following the Great and Abominable Church- and Following Satan too) and Understanding GRACE.

I started re-reading the non-mormon bible, signed up for a community bible study, a women's small group with my friend Kim, called Listen to My Life , visiting many other churches, reading Jesus's own words ( there's a bible with all RED LETTERS out there to see distinctly what Jesus Spoke to Us), joined a women's small group to discuss more with Flatirons Non-denominational Church and TWO Mops Groups ( mothers of Preschoolers- non-denominational women's group).

Why so many things? Well, when you leave a Church or peer group- you need to Find your tribe and develop new friendships with people who are authentic and will embrace you- for being you- not for being a certain faith . (BTW- I have no hard feelings for the ppl in the church who have dropped off the face of the earth. Ya'll are still awesome and I will always say Hi and have a love for you. For those in my old church whom I'm still friends with- you ROCK- you are awesome and that won't change)....

I Decided that IF I was going to make this massive change, I needed TWO THINGS outside of immediate family support..... JESUS and WOMEN! We all need support and leaving the RS sisterhood was hard. The LDS church does the whole carrying each other's burdens pretty well. And guess what? So does MOPS. I've brought meals, help with humanitarian efforts and engaged in wonderful socials outside of our regular meetings. I could continue to go on about Mops but, this is not the post to do so. back to my journey...

At the core of my desiring to Learn about my former faith was the Desire to have a more intimate relationship with God, my Father in Heaven and to fully Understand Grace- the Free Gift of Love that comes from Jesus- and only through His Atonement and Sacrifice on the Cross are we Saved.

I did chat with one friend of mine who is a TBM ( true believing Mormon) and we brought up- that People who leave the church are generally not happier..... I thought that too at one time.....But, what I am understanding more, is that people who Leave God out of this very hard transition, tend to look for all the right things ( comfort, support, connection, validation, friendships, self-worth etc) in all the WRONG places.  The old adage "misery seeks company" applies here. BUT, it's a personal journey for every individual and I hope everyone finds peace and love regardless of what they choose.

SO, as I stated, I did NOT leave God out of this process. I did however start from Scratch on who I thought God was/ is. My friend told me " Whatever BOX you have God in- Rip it up and start over- He is so much more than you think He is!" Thank you Viv for saying this to me. I needed to hear that.

You may notice a few changes in my life and some may make Mormons feel uncomfortable. I am not sorry you feel uncomfortable and I kinda don't care what YOU or OTHERS may think. I care most about WHAT GOD THINKS about ME, MY heart, My Family and all those in my Sphere of influence.

Here's what you can Expect from me now:

Unconditional LOVE FOR YOU- right where you are at- Don't change a thing- God is already loving you just as you are now.

Different styles of clothes ( be warned you may see my porn shoulders- LOL)

Trying new things and meeting new people

Authentic, Vulnerable Conversations about Real Stuff that Matters

No Judgments on however someone is living their life differently than I am

More Time-In with my kids and Family ( less church commitments on Sundays and weekdays)

Lots of FUN POSTS and Some Open Dialogue as I continue Growing in my Journey.

I WILL LISTEN TO YOU and Not Shut you Down when you share a different view than I do.

I will be serving in other roles in churches, mops etc and continuing to speak God's truth into those in my sphere. I won't be mean but, will call a spade a spade.

What Has Already changed:

Well- I lost weight- about 7 lbs in like 2 weeks, from the internal stress I had been carrying around
to become perfect. Then, with hormonal help, diet, exercise, I dropped another 23. whoohoo!!!

My relationship with God is bolder and deeper and so much more dynamic

I wake up with PEACE every morning and don't think of the endless things I need to do to EARN my place in the Celestial Kingdom  (grace is free- eternal families and eternal love is taught in all Christian religions and actually most faiths. Mormon theology teaches faith without works is dead-and if you are not sealed in a temple- you won't be with your family in the hereafter. Christianity teaches Works are an outpouring of God's love. )

I know I AM ENOUGH now- Through Jesus I am Enough. I am finally okay that I am a GOOD PERSON

I have more open dialogue and deeper love for my fellow humans. It's uncanny, right? I generally LOVE everyone even more than i did before this transition. Why? bc I have no internal motive to maybe convert you some day so we can party in the Celestial heavens together. And

What Won't Change:

My love for Adoption and Fostering, Humanitarian Efforts

Our friendships- unless you decide to bail- I can respect that

Healthy Living choices in General

Me- I will still be fun, silly, creative, ambitious, ridiculously flawed ME! Hope you are okay with that.

Just thought you should know.

*COMMENTS are TURNED OFF for a reason. I don't want this to be a space for arguing- Only for my peeps to come to understand my Perspective and Walk with Faith. Ya'll are always welcome to reach out, call, text, and will be greeted with nothing but love!

GOD IS LOVE- HIS LOVE IS REAL AND UNCONDITIONAL!

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

What would DIS-QUALIFY someone from Being an Adoptive or Foster Parent

I have had a few couples reach out to me lately and ask me a few questions I didn't know the answers to. You'd think after 4 home studies, 5 adoptions, involving 3 different states, that we'd KNOW IT ALL.... But, Alas, we DON'T so, the next logical thing to do was ASK....


I'm putting the answers BELOW:

Here's what Lutheran Family Services said:

When thinking about adoption or foster care, many people have questions or even anxiety  about whether they are eligible.  There are a few disqualifying things such as : you must be 21 and have no felony criminal or child abuse history. For adoption, every agency may have different requirements around religion, same sex couples, single persons or age. International adoptions have many criteria based on the country and can include age, BMI, medication for mental health issues. 
The important thing for all agencies is to place children in homes that are safe and nurturing.  Agencies are not looking for people who have had a perfect childhood or never made a mistake.   Life’s tough  experiences show your ability to cope  with difficulties and how you used services and your support system to help you.
Financial  It can be expensive to adopt and your finances will be evaluated.  It is not about the amount of money you make but how you handle money.  If you make a great deal of income but are swimming in debt, adoption fees and bringing another child in the home could be very stressful and may impact your marriage and the attachment to your child.  Many adoptive families with a modest income but financially responsible are highly successful in adoption .
Timing   Sometimes families want to apply for adoption immediately after a miscarriage and although we believe that infertility may never be completely resolved, you agency may  put you  on hold to deal with these issues before you proceed to adopt. If stresses in your life such as illness, job loss or death of a parent or family member or other issues are overwhelming , the  agency may ask you to be on hold.
Medical Everyone in your family will need a physical and recommendation from your doctor about your ability to parent. Most health issues are not disqualifying but will be explored in a home study.  If you are a cancer survivor , you would be asked about how you dealt with the illness and what your support systems would be in the future if it reoccurred.  If your  physical stated that you can’t pick up over 25 pounds due to a back injury, we would talk with you and problem solve about how you would pick up your child as a toddler.
Alcohol and Drugs. Any substance use will be discussed and if excessive or problematic to your relationships or job it would be addressed in the study.  Marijuana is not approved even if being used  for medical purposes.

From Adoption Choices of CO ( non-profit- privately funded agency)

The most common reasons for not being approved to adopt a child through the home study process are as follows:

A felony less than ten years old (case-by-case)
A felony involving domestic violence or anything to do with a child
A history of viewing child pornography/sex offender
A health issue that is life threatening and would shorten a person’s life span 

Some are:
If one person wants to adopt a child and the other person in the couple obviously does not (counseling might be recommended instead of denial)
Drug/alcohol use that is current and has never been treated
Obvious marital issues that have not been addressed

Financial deficits – unable to afford to raise a child

Also added- IT WOULD NOT disqualify you if you use MJ in CO- IF you adopt from here and emom lives here- BUT, if she lives in any state that doesn't approve of medical or rec marijiuana use- you cannot adopt from that particular state. 

Added insight...
Addictions in general that are current are a reason to be denied

Any medical condition where a person would not be able to physically parent a child or has a terminal illness

Marijuana is treated like alcohol use (case-by-case)

Overweight is ok if it will not affect their lifespan

Addicted to pain pills - denied


Here's what Adoption Options of CO has to say as well:

Personal finances are also taken into consideration as well.  We don’t want the adoption process to be too financially crippling for a family and we want to make sure families are financially prepared to care for a child. 

Certain felonies would immediately exclude them from the process
If they are not being truthful or not disclosing information that is discovered later via a background check

If it is discovered they are not in a stable relationship or there are medical /mental health problems not being resolved or managed,
drug or alcohol abuse

___________________
REMEMBER

Privately funded agencies ( meaning ones that the federal gov't doesn't contribute to) have their own rules and regulations. SO, BEFORE you LEAP- look into the agencies policies and practices and ETHICS.
There you have it! Your Answers!!!

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Jesus Has No Party Line- An original poem







Jesus Has No Party Line
He is not Red or Blue
He does not care what flag you wave
But asks you to be True

Be True to those who stand in need
To those without a voice
He wants you to love everyone
But, it must be Your Choice

He does not force your hand
To do His works and deeds
He cares more about your soul and heart
That's what the Bible reads

Jesus never pointed fingers
Like Pharisee of Old
He dined with sinners, the sick and lowly
No thought of wealth and Gold

He asks us to do many things 
To follow in His Walk
But, most of all (and most important)
Love others- Don't just Talk!

Never did He say to Us
Through secrets- Enter In
No handshakes, symbols and no oaths
Only Grace, Frees us from Sin

We who call ourselves his followers
Christians, disciples of the King
Must exit off our Horses on high
Our broken hearts We Bring

And Give Our will, our hearts desire
O'er to  what He's planned 
We must have faith and Trust
It's so much more that Grand

Though Tides will ebb and storms may rage
And Life at times unfair 
In valleys when we crack and break
The Light can enter there

We are Refined in fire and pain
The smelting of our souls
To be a kinder, gentler us
Eternal are His goals

See, Jesus Has no Party Line
Except He has His Own
In the sand He marks it out
The Line where Love is shown.






~Corrine Christian
copyright Jan.29.2019








Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Birth Father Poetry- Feat. Thomas Castleberry

I had the privilege of meeting Thomas and His wife and birth mother, Rayanne, and feel their love for their birth child and the parents they chose. Here's a poem that touch my heart....


The Challenge 

Months of preparation are now a reality.
We held him, looked into his eyes, listen to his coos, loved him
And now...he is no longer with us.
Yesterday was the worst day of our life, hands down.
I know he is loved and will be taken cared for...but,
that knowledge can not take away her pain, 
dry her tears, 
fill the hole in her heart.

She is fractured but I will make sure she doesn't brake.
She is in pain but I will find a way to comfort her.
She fills alone, I will reassure her that this is not the case.
She is lost, I will be her light to find her way home.

With all my good intentions, I can not ease her sorrow.
That fact rips my soul in two.
I must be strong, be her strength.
Only time will mend her wounds.
All I can do is be here for her, wipe her tears, hold her injured heart.

This is our path.
A path of love.
Our sacrifice. 
A sacrifice for the greater good.
We will be part of his life.
We will cherish every fleeting moment with get with him.
They will care for him, protect him.
I will take care for her, protect her...that is my challenge...and I accept it.

-TC

Image may contain: 1 person, standing, child, shoes, tree, grass, plant, outdoor and nature

this is their birth son! Just turned 2! What a joy

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Its been too long...

Man, I need to reformat the blog, update pics and so on. If you are following us on Facebook- you have more of an updated version of our family and adventures. Our community page is Brandon and Corrine- Party of 9.
 Find us and read on. Even that needs updating too.

A few things have kept me away from writing and rightfully so. These adorable little blessings are certainly worth it but, now they are 14 months and it's time to continue to open up, share and be vulnerable with ya'll who read or who are connected to us personally or through mutual friends.



Adoption is HARD, life is Hard and all of us have hard things we are going through. I am often asked a few different questions to today, I will put these ?'s to rest...





Are you guys going to adopt MORE?

How did you get 4 birth moms/dads to pick you guys?

What can I do to get chosen by an expectant mom / what advice can you give me?

Q#1

Well, I think our Quiver is pretty full guys and 7 is a LOT OF KIDS! We did not renew our adoption home study and do not have plans to do that either. But, Every time I've told God and the Universe my PLANS- there has always been different ones in the works so, I think if the right situation came along and it was absolutely destiny- then well will have to think about it, of course.

But, as of now- We are content and not seeking to adopt at all.

 We know that our ministry isn't done in regards to adoption and fostering and we have big hopes and desires to serve through becoming Respite Foster Parents in about 4-5 years and also to work closely with orphanages and orphan care overseas in countries who are in dire need of help.
 ( So, far we are looking to help in Peru, the Philippines and Cambodia/ Vietnam) Who knows where God will continue to lead our hearts and where our family will go. I can see us overseas in 5-7 years doing work in those countries and beyond. Our oldest kiddo has 5 years before she graduates and our next is the year after her so, I think time will tell.

In the meantime, we are caring for our kids, hopeful adoptive families, expectant moms and adoptees however we are led.

Recently, we had an expectant mom reach out to us Asking us If We would consider adopting her unborn baby. Of course it was through SM so I wanted to see if she was legit. ( I FB stalked her profile/ searched some things she had said she had done/ been etc. and she said she had placed before back 5 ish years ago.) She WAS legit. I found the family she placed with, their company, the agency and care center she worked with and I was having wonderful honest convo with her. I prayed about her and the situation and was led to tell her over the phone that we aren't the family she's looking for  and that we are still in over our heads with 3 in diapers!

She was sad for a bit but, I of course, had some families up my sleeves. I sent her over 3 family profiles and two profiles on FB and she has a wonderful deep connection with one couple who have a SOUL connection and this sweet couple has been through two failed adoptions already. Things are going well with them and I am grateful to be an instrument in God's Hands to help connect, inspire and uplift those in my sphere of influence. I truly have had quite a few things like this happen to me over the last 10 years or so. I Know this is where God wants me to serve His children right now. All the Glory is His and His Alone. It's awesome to see how just a matter of a few simple words, a post about a situation,  a phone convo , a longer relationship or quick instance, can change someone's lives forever. I don't need to name names or say how many times I've helped people- God Knows those things ( and I kind of lost track now) and that's all that matters. I am doing Enough and Am Enough and He is using Me as I Am, right now.

Don't ever think you aren't Good enough or Worthy enough to Serve those that are in your path, community and sphere of influence. You are Right where you Need to Be- Right Now. And Yes, Striving to be our Best is a good thing but, not if you are blind to who you are now and what you are doing now. Progress over perfection! One Day at a time, one step at a time. 

As for the Future and us - We will see as it unfolds and Hope and pray for all those in our lives.


Q#2
 I bribed them!!!!    No, just messing with you! I Actually, think that timing, authenticity and God and the Energy we put out into the Universe,  have everything to do with our short waits and when our children's birth mothers and fathers found us.  With only 2 different agencies involved and our last ones where we were just applying to situations- I truly was Prompted in my Heart to move when all things lined up. 

Yes, our profile books and pictures looked good, honest and Real. Yes, our content was FULL of rich details and we are super transparent ( we even told them our last name in the EP letter;) and we try to be as raw and vulnerable as we can on the daily anyways. 

I couldn't tell you why they picked us and why our waits were relatively short but, i can tell you that when things line up, it feels right, you get chills down your back to move forward on something- DO IT. Do not wait for a giant wave to knock you over- Move when you need to move because standing still just feels wrong!

If you are waiting for an anvil to drop on your foot before you fill out adoption papers, apply to certain situations, opening your hearts to maybe think outside your checked boxes on your search/match criteria - It may Never come!!!

I had one gal tell me bc her adoption agency shut down " Well, I guess we are only having one kid then!"  She has since regretted closing that door. To those who don't feel like giving up and giving in but, do it anyways- YOU ARE NOT BEING REAL AND TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE and YOU chose to GIVE UP- that's on YOU! It's not GOD's fault - your agencies fault etc.  There is no FAULT- you just decided to throw in the towel and shut the door.  And that is Your Decision. End of Story...

I'm going to tell you though- Had you kept the door opened for maybe a bit longer, saved more money and decided the wait would be worth it- I'm am certain your story would be different by now. 

I know this might sound like a slap in the face for some and i will surely get some responses like " we spent 40k in IVF and lost 15k in a failed match etc- I get it- IT SUCKED - It's not cool to loose that much money and time and it's awful. I hate that this is part of your journey- but, its just that PART of your Journey. It's not the End- You didn't die. And We all have Free Will to choose whatever we want. So, if  that's what you want to do- DO IT and do not say it was bc of other things- You chose to give up and My heart breaks for you and your families and what might have been.  Never forget that you can fund raise, apply for grants, have bake sales, auctions, craft sales, gofundme or youcaring accounts, work extra hours, take out a HELOC, save for another year or two and be strategic in your every day spending. And in lieu of a baby shower gifts- ask for donations to pay back or pay off your adoption account/ debt. Ask the agency if you can do bulk payments if placement happens faster than you were ready for too. 

Q#3 

What can you do to get chosen by am Emom & Edad? 

Well, Present your Most Authentic Self- ALWAYS! Share your story, your hearts, lead with love- not your infertility. These emoms are choosing placement bc parenting isn't the best option for the baby and themselves/ families etc. Be honored you are in the waiting pool and able to save up or afford adoption.  

You can open up all windows and doors to finding the right path for the child or children to come to your family. Look into other agencies with low flat fees, expand your search, update your profile if its more than a year old, bug your agency workers, send out positive vibes into the Universe for your future birth parents. ( I did pretty much every time and honestly, i felt the connections before our kids came- each and every time. Call it prophecy or intuition but, i could feel they were close, not too far off and very connect to the expectant moms of our kiddos. - more on that later. )

Lastly, 





Spend your time WAITING- doing something GOOD during this Transition!

YOU ARE WORTH IT- THE WAIT IS WORTH IT- The Process of Transformation is worth it and I'm Praying for YOU and sending Good Vibes your way! 

Till next time ~CC


#openadoption #adoptionblogs #birthparents #birthmom #adoptionhelp 








Wednesday, February 28, 2018

PART -2 of our Adoption Story ( well, really the whole thing)

We recorded the adoption story of the Twins on Adoption Now Radio podcast so, go listen now!

LISTEN to it HERE!!!



It's been too long since I've posted so I will make up by posting some FUN pics of these cuties. As of late, We went to Maui in January and the babies came too! We are prepping to buy a new home and met an wonderful Lady, Victoria who we will be buying her giant house later this summer. She is an amazing person, even if we weren't buying her place. It's a cool story that I will share in the future as things play out.

The kids all got a cold over the Break and now everyone is better and life is starting to find a new normal all over again. It changes every time the babies sleep more throughout the night. My kids are hilarious with sleep right now but, Hey, We wanted this and it's only Temporary, right?

Ok more pics now...




Best Road side stand EVER on the Road to Hana!



Uncle Josh and Daddy are SOOOO funny!


On the Snorkel BOAT! ( to see more pics visit my facebook page)


Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas

I promise i will have PART 2 of our story come out sooner than later so, cut me some slack- im a tired momma of 7 now! Whoa that's crazy to write. Also, there's been some suggestion that it's time to write our BOOK. I'm nervous and trying to figure out where to start our story at. I think possibly starting it at Brandon's own adoption may be the best jumping off point but, we will see. Anyone want to be my Ghost writer? lol. I'm almost certain that when i get sleep again- life will start to normalize- or at least I will start to feel good with our new normal.

Anywho, the TWINS are Doing Great! Dahlia is smaller than Drake now and here's some photos for your entertainment!
 they were 5 days old! so precious:)

just last Sunday!
our funny outake 



Thursday, September 28, 2017

Our Newest Additions and our Final Chapter- Part 1

Back in Nov of  2016, myself and Brandon were very content loving on our beautiful children. Our house was brimming with squeals and giggles and the occasional bit of sibling rivalry and loud noises. We were gearing up for the Holidays and couldn't be happier. One cold night as we snuggled in bed, we were recalling how quickly our kids were growing up and how blessed we are.

"So, Do you think we are Done now?" I asked Brandon, as I had man other times. His response was the same as it had been the last two months. " I don't really know." And for the next weeks this question would keep coming up.

Finally, 2 weeks before Celise's finalization for her adoption to be made complete, I asked again and he answered almost the same as He had before. But this time I said " If we are not sure now, then we are not done. We are not complete. " Brandon quietly responded " Yeah, We aren't done. " What followed was a week of contacting our casework to do a home study update BEFORE Celise's adoption was closed or we would have had to start the home study process all over again. That means finger prints, background checks, home visits, interview and miles of laborious paperwork. And of course, it costs so much more.  So, together we decided to give our selves 3.5 more years and if nothing happened, that would be it for us. It never felt right saying we were done and Yes people thought we were nuts ( i still think we are nuts, actually).

When I told my father that we were planning to adopt again whenever God and the Universe saw fit He said " WHY?" I said "WHY NOT? We have enough love, time, resources and the Desire is undeniably there. " " Good answers. " He chimed back.
 I asked and prayed for guidance through this process and although I had very vivid prompting and personal revelations about Celise and her birth mom, Dausi, It wasn't the same this time around.
I mean, I had peace about the whole process and that never left me once but, no clear distinct path as to how this would all come about. So, onward we went.

" How do your other kids feel about adding another child? Are you open to age, siblings, twins?" Asked Emily F,  our LFS caseworker. " More than once our children had brought up things like I can't wait to have our last kids. I feel like we are missing some children still, mom. Said Brielle. I don't think we are all here yet mom. And when asked if we would get chosen for a boy or a girl, Slade would answer "both of them, A boy and a Girl" ( oh how wise are those tiny children so close to God and his Angels) He never really deviated from saying BOTH of THEM, either.

"Yeah, Yes, we are open to children 0-3.5, siblings etc" he responded to Emily. I actually waited for B to say anything before I opened my mouth.  He felt what I did, except for all the fatherly pressure He carries on his shoulders, that I do not- weighed on Him  in that very sentence.

Over the next weeks we redid our profile book, got physicals, and filled out just a few forms this time. Uncle Josh still lived with us
 ( Gavin's birth dads younger brother) and We knew at some point He'd be looking at a place of his own to purchase. We didn't mind helping him out and love him very much but, we needed a room back before any baby could come here. Brandon also decided He didn't want to adopt again in this house. So, we looked at what was coming up for sale constantly on the CHFR site.

Slowly, over the next few months I started to receive some strong personal revelations that came to my mind and heart about this upcoming adoption. I didn't ask to know or find out details from God and the Universe- I guess you could say I was just OPEN to whatever.  I remember talking to my friends Abby, Christine and Jessica about this info I was receiving. I knew without a doubt that the next Birth mom to come into out life would Be older or of a sisterly age, closer to mine and I knew that she'd have CHILDREN- not a child but, more than 1 kiddo. I also talked about siblings and more than one with my confidants. They kept saying " You know its more than one, don't you?" And I did feel like we might adopt a sibling set but, never thought twins because, let's be Honest for second, who'd chose a family with 5 children already?

Well, we pressed on with our home search during the months to come instead of focusing on when or where or who would be coming our way.


Lot's of homes were just wonderful, that came up on the market and we were certain we'd sell this summer. As the summer approached, we were now more focused on vacations coming up and visiting with friends and family. We planned a BIG trip for late June and the bulk of July!  So, with that in mind we lined up some workers to finish projects around our home and realized we just wouldn't finish on time for the summer season to sell our home so, we put it on the back burner. Two days after We got home it was time to focus on getting ready for the UFA BIRTH PARENT RETREAT coming up. I came home to multiple projects going on in the house, my hubby converted the inside storage room to a reptile room and boxes were EVERYWHERE! I felt overwhelmed but, alas, I had to press on and get these boxes sorted and out to the shed and to focus on the retreat. My friend Christina came over to help me one day with birth mom Swag bags. She walked down my hall and into my dining room and exclaimed : " Did you See that situation with the Expectant mom who is having TWINS, on the Premier site?"

"No, I'm not re-registered with them yet. That's going to be so HARD for someone. I bet she picks someone with one or no kids. My sister has twins and I watched her juggle and struggle those first few years It was exhausting for her! But, read her bio to me just for kicks!"

" Birth mother J is expecting twins in August/Sept , has 4 children, is 36 yrs of age ( at this point my ears perked up and waves of tingles and the Spirit washed over my being) would love an open adoption with the family she chooses, is open to traditional couples, christian in theology and open to couples with children already in the home..."

I am sure Christina watched my face as it went from mere interest to OH MY GOSH! I HAVE TO APPLY FOR THIS SITUATION!" She looked at me with a puzzled look and within an hour or two I was on the phone with Isabel over at Premier. I chatted with her about it for a second and her basic response " We have MANY couples interested in the babies already with us and...( I kindly cut her off) "It's less about the babies for me and more about this Emom. Twins are going to be hard and I'm not in LA LA LAND about what it will take. I do feel it's of course very special but, reality is it's going to be tough for a long time." I told her about my spiritual impressions and how I've only applied to 2 other situations since we  went down this path again. I told her about the confirming chills and peace I had no matter what. I even told her I'd happily be at the back of the line and no need to show us until all other families could go first. We are not in a rush but, trying to just be OPEN no matter what.

At last, she decided that she'd be happy with us getting our digital profile over and yes, we'd be at the back of the HAP pool/list what-have-you and our profile would not be shown immediately and I was totally fine with it. Whatever is meant to be, will happen. I went To bed that night with peace. Our digital profile pages were in her hands and the rest was not up to me.


 And luckily the agency knew us quite well because we had just adopted Celise through them 16 short months ago and we had referred a ton of couples and families to them! So, we had a small sliver of a chance but, like we said were in no RUSH at all...


Wednesday, June 28, 2017

GO with Your GUT...

...When picking your path to find the missing pieces of your HEART!

I am asked quite often " Who should we pick for an agency/ attorney etc?" "What do you think about fostering to adopt?" " What worked for your family?"

All legitimate questions and guess what- the ANSWER is different for each person and family!


Gavin at 5 days old after placement
I wish I had a rote answer- it might be easier that way but, honestly, my advice is to SEARCH out the agency, facilitator, attorney, foster program and ponder on what you are being led to. If you pray- do that too- a lot! With our last adoption, I found the agency on the Internet and then I asked a colleague of mine what He thought ( he has been working in the adoption field for 30+ years) about this particular agency. He had great things to say about ethics and good practice of adoption laws. I researched them more, prayed about it, and reached out to them to see if they'd even be interested in a family like ours.  They reached back before we were even done with our home study and i filled out a bunch of forms and got on their waiting list ( sigh) for 3 months. We were off the waiting list about 3 weeks before our home study was approved and it was zipped over to Michelle our new case worker over at Premier Adoptions. I sent over  our books the very next day. I also, relied heavily on God's timing. This process cannot be rushed but, sometimes it is- and for good reason like with Brielle's adoption.

Here's a few Tid Bits on things to be aware of/ Advice when choosing an agency/attorney:

~ Pick with your HEAD and your HEART- do not be swayed by a Lower cost option if you heart is calling you somewhere else. God and the Universe will line up the funds for you to bring the right child home and to support the Expectant parents. Use effort in obtaining these funds and be strict in your spending as you are on the saving path but, don't let $$$$$ steer you away if you feel RIGHT about an attorney or agency.

one of our favorite books about adoption
~ IGNORE the People who are negative about An Agency ( unless there are more than 10). But first,
LISTEN to their complaints. See if they are Selfish or Legit. Selfish complaints are things like " All you care about is birth moms not adoptive couples!" -which is untrue most times but, you have to consider your source. A disgruntled person who had a failed match or placement may want to scream out how this agency is so bad when, it's actually the Emoms choice to place or not to place. You can't be MAD at caseworkers for Her decision. And for that Matter- its HER choice- not the couples choice to make.

"They only want your money at ____ Agency!" guess what? That's usually wrong too. Legit agencies are focusing on CARE for all involved and that requires a lot of TIME and often funds to support birth parents/expectant parents pre and post placement.  Research before you spout off things.  And LISTEN if MANY say that a particular agency is being unethical/ extorting couples- promising one set of fees and then sticking you with more bills post placement- LISTEN to your voice of reason and use caution. Generally speaking- most GOOD agencies will have many happy clients and families but, will always have a few whose experiences were not what they had hoped for. maybe it wasn't the right fit or right timing or they truly weren't meant to be placed with that agency.  Sometimes an agency is just the one doing your home study and sometimes they match you in a  few weeks- it's contrasting for everyone.

~FIND Agencies who only ASK for an APP fee  UPFRONT and no other $$$$$ until MATCH ( if your home study and training are already completed that is and if it feels right). Check them all out and see if one speaks to you.
 Reputable APP only Agencies are
  : Adoption Choices of Colorado, Premier Adoptions, Thurman Law Group, and some who work with Legally free children like the Adoption Exchange.
IF and ONLY IF this route feels right- go forward. I'm a huge proponent of this style of agency but, it's not right for everyone. Steer clear of facilitators if you are already with an agency as well. Often times you are paying 5-18k on top of agencies fees to make you a match- if you can afford it, it feels right and it's legal in your state- go for it. But, be on your guard with Facilitators. Also, your agency should DISCOUNT your costs with them if they did not make the match. so, you should have some savings there too.

~INTERVIEW AGENCIES/Attorney- call them all, meet them all if you wish and chat with REAL people to get a sense of what they are like. Not all shoes fit all people. Same with Agencies. Be candid- do not put on a front with them and ponder on what Direction you should take.

~ UPFRONT COST AGENCIES you can TRUST- Many Agencies require 5-10k or more upfront or post adoption training. It's not because they are greedy or anything like that, It's because they advertise a lot and actually pay their staff. Happy employees work better when a consistent check can be made out to them. Can you imagine only getting paid when a placement happens and what that would look like? It would change the face of adoption into a HUNT for expectant moms in dire circumstances- this would be Horrible b/c no one wishes an unplanned pregnancy on anyone- ever. it's Hard enough as is.  ASK for a list of costs and where funds are going and how payments can be spread out if a quick placement happens. Often, they will be happy to work out an arrangement. Our first placement happen in 10 days so we spaced out our agency fees over 4 or 5 months. ETHICAL agencies will disclose all costs and give you an expected number of costs for birth parents needs on a case by case basis. DO NOT proceed if they won't disclose it as well. And in my Opinion- placement fees should not exceed 35/38k EVER!!! That's just bogus but, sometimes they do and some people are happy to pay 40-60k in adoption costs. Likely the majority of that  ( 20-30k) is lining the pocket of a greedy attorney/agency. and likely the other 20 is actually for birth parent expenses and overhead/staff/advertising.
Also ask about wait times/ stats on how many placements per year, what form of advertising they do and if they have socials for their adoptive families and support systems in place.

Laura & Jerad are hoping to Adopt
AGAIN- go with your GUT and Follow your heart-

GREAT FULL COST AGENCIES that ask for HALF upfront do this to make that Big number a bit more attainable. It's hard for most to write a HUGE check all at once and then sit and wait to me matched.

REPUTABLE FULL AGENCIES  ARE : Adoption Options, Adoptions By Heart, Colorado Christian Services, Lutheran Family Services, Creative Adoptions and Lifetime Adoptions. MOST of these agencies can just do you home study as well and you can independently apply to other out of state agencies but, you must know they are vested in the clients that they serve and who have done training and such with them so, don't expect them to bend over backwards if you are just there to get your home study done. These agencies have reputations to uphold and DO put Expectant Parents FIRST - as all should do, and educate these women about options and choice- not pushing adoption as the only choice on them. Adoption can not happen with our Emoms and Dads so, cut them slack and put yourself in the caseworkers shoes or the Emoms shoes for a minute before you get all Huffed up.  If a HAP is calling to get an answer to a simple question that is bugging her and the caseworker is on the line with an Emom who is struggling to pay rent or get evicted- who should she take care of FIRST? Feel my drift?


THE Emom and the BABY COME FIRST and Please check with your agency and make sure that Post placement services are  in order for Her after care. Support, resources, counseling and the like are beyond necessary.


ALL IN ALL- there's no Adoption Cookie Cutter- GO WITH YOUR GUT and FOLLOW YOUR HEART!

Sunday, May 21, 2017

10 Stupid things People do to Mess up their Profiles...

Hey Hopeful Adoptive Couples!😀

 You know, I'm totally FOR you adopting a baby or child, right? Good, because I want you to take some loving and fun POINTERS from this Momma who has adopted (or has been matched) 4 times in under 6 months each time! First adoption was 10 days, second was just about 6 months and third was 2 months till we were matched and 9 weeks later Cece was born. With the Twins adoption, we had ZERO wait- we weren't even really ready but, our digital book was  and it was chosen over 10 others bc It was RIGHT for HER and RIGHT for US too! 8 days later we had twins!!! ( learn more about our adventures by checking out our pages or our PODCAST on the Adoption Now Radio Show)!

SO, I'm giving these pointers as a play on this awesome Dr. Laura Book SO, take this in a Light Hearted way. If you know me- you know I'm a bit funny and jest here and there a bit.  ( there is also a MEN's version of the book too)  Mostly I'm writing this so, I don't have to keep repeating myself to unsuspecting and under-educated new adoptive hopefuls.  These things come from a 14.5 year devotion to adoption advocacy, parenting, working with birth parents and running the non-profits for adoption which is heavily involved in birth parent advocacy and support for over 11 years. ( FSA/ UFA/CAFC) AND what BIRTH PARENTS have told me and others about Profile Books.

MOST BOOKS get shut after Page 1 or 2! Believe it or not-You really only have ONE SHOT to connect with your Emom. So, Be Truthful and Authentic!

*disclaimer: no two expectant parents are alike- all will be looking for someone or something different and there are NO guarantees that if you follow these pointers that you will "get a baby" within the time frames that worked for us. You have to JUST BE YOU and be Genuine and Trust in the Process. 

DON'T...


10. MAKE  PROMISES/ TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE - 
Unless you are fortune teller/ intuitive please refrain from going in to much depth about what you will and won't do as parents/ with you relationship with Expectant mom etc. It's just bad form- Tell them what you HAVE done already. Proof is what you have already accomplished! It's obviously okay to say a few things about your future plans for intangible things like " Your baby will be cuddled daily, taught to love everyone etc". Just be careful not to Over promise when you are writing our your profile. Keep the Birth parents in mind and where they will fit into your life and the baby's life as well.  

9.  BE TOO VAGUE- Saying "We love Ice Cream and We love the Outdoors" does not give the reader much insight or specifics on who you are so Be SPECIFIC and say" Mint chip in a waffle cone is my way to beat a HOT day after a long hike in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado"  get my drift? Great- not get those details on each and every page.

8. REPEAT TOO OFTEN-  No one wants to here that you love the beach and your dog on every other page or that your child will be cherished or I like Tacos repeated- so just go through your book and look at your letter and your closing page and everything in between. This is your chance to represent your true self in every word! Be Creative! Make your words Matter. Post different and genuine content in different places too. your Insta or FB should show more daily life and it's a chance to make a genuine connection.


7. LEAD W/ YOUR INFERTILITY- UGH, this happens too much- Remember who your Reader is- a woman or a couple facing unplanned pregnancy, a victim of rape, abuse, a younger or older woman who is finding her self in this very tough position of "Searching for Parents for HERbaby" So, although you want to share your heartache and story- save it for a later page or better yet- write that you will discuss it further in person, if she wishes to know. It's totally such a touchy subject but, for once- just put yourself in her state of mind for a second- your glamorous life spread out on a beautiful book while your opening words are  " I have pcos and miscarried 3 times" or how you spent 60k and 8 years you will never see again" is just not a way to start off  your letter and It's sad/ negative so START with engaging information about who YOU ARE and connecting with Her or Them ( the birth parents). 

6. BRAG TOO MUCH/ TALK ABOUT MONEY-
It's wonderful you have two boats and go to Hawaii every year because the Expectant mom is looking for a blissful , fun life for sure but, after like 6 pages of all vacations and THINGS or too much of your giant house- it yet again, feels intimidating and maybe, just maybe she can't envision herself in your wild and fun life ( or her child for that matter) seems too Good for me or too good to be true. And NEVER talk about money- ever.  EXPERIENCES are wonderful to share THINGS not so much 
( pictures of your cars are not necessary guys!)

5. BE A POSER- Too many posed pictures and no candid pics are a no-go! If everything is so posed and perfect all the time- it feels too intimidating or like your hiding somethings ( like your organic true selves) So put in those phone pictures or ones where you aren't directly making eye contact but interactions are happening. ACTION photos are even better- show us your wake board skills or your FLIPS or your tumbling playful selves. Here's one I love in our home just cooking with my oldest!
So, share like the WIND - LOTS OF PICTURES please but, not so many that every pose looks like a repeat of the last picture. Pictures are connection points and USUALLY why someone connects to a Couples FIRST. One Birth mom said she Immediately loved her Ap's because she saw He had on a Metallica T-shirt on . Others say it was the Dog they always wanted, where they vacationed as a kid, they saw the life they always wished for as a child but, never had, the noses, the hair, the intangible things that drew them in and they formed opinions about this couple immediately. Pretty crazy but, it's true! A picture is worth a 1000 words, right?



4.TALK ABOUT YOUR BABY- So yeah, this child is HER baby- not yours until papers are signed so, do not refer to the baby as YOURS  like " we will love our child as though it was our own"- gag me please now! And BTW you better love this child like a million times more -lol. And do not call her a birth mom in your profile- she is not a birth mom until the act of placing happens. She is a woman and mother just not a birth mother yet. It's a title all birth moms hold very sacred.

3. NOT CROP YOUR PHOTOS - GET CLOSE UP!
Real connections start with your eyes and your smiles! LET'S SEE them ( just not every picture needs to be posed)- here's a GREAT example off of parentprofiles.com ( and yes they are available- so cute!) 

2. HAVE A FUZZY/ UNPROFESSIONAL OPENING PIC OF YOU-
Worst thing ever - don't do it- even if you do look perfect in that dress you love- if its not clear or looks dull- save it for another spot in your slides/book/profile. Set up a quick photo shoot with your local photographer for your adoption profiles pics/ head shots- spend the money - its worth it. Let's see those EYES!
And might I add- MAKE IT POP and not like everyone else out there you see!

And Last but certainly not least ( in fact this is usually the FIRST thing an Expectant mom or parent sees)...

1. BOMBARD YOUR EXPECTANT PARENT LETTER WITH MORE than 1 of  THESE SENTENCES/Statements:
 

"Dear Birth Mother,"
 - she is not a birth mom until placement. As my good birth mom friends said- some women in crisis have not even admitted to themselves that they are pregnant, let alone placing their baby yet. Address your letter as if you were speaking to a friend. Suggestions were " Hello there! Hi, We are the____, Dear Expectant parents, Dear Expectant mom, We are_____ etc. Get creative and again Be genuine.

" I can't imagine what you must be going through"-
DUH your not in her shoes so just don't say it. ( if you must say this- follow up with REAL meaning) Remember once is enough.

"I know this is such a hard decision"
- another one _ really? you think so?

 " Words can't Express how grateful we are that you are looking at our profile book/ Considering us"  
-everyone says this and you are RIGHT words can't express this- at all. s They know you will be grateful. But, a E mom is not "grateful" that she is in this position and having to make this choice at all. This wasn't Her plan so, although you are grateful- and you mean well, it's like you are saying " I'm grateful you got unexpectedly pregnant and will have to rip your heart out now" UGH too much.  Try and wording it a bit differently if you use this expression. 

"this is such a difficult time for you" .-sure is!

 "We know that you probably feel a lot of different emotions right now, ( how'd you guess?) not all of them may be so easy. ( yup)


 Is that what you really meant to say?
" We want to first say thank you for considering an adoption plan. We realize that it takes a great deal of courage, love and selflessness to make this decision" 
( everyone is saying these same things- and YES it doesn't take courage but, guess what- part of why someone chooses to place has nothing to do with adoptive parents- it has to do with where an EM is at in her life and situations not concerning AP's- frankly! It's all about the baby She is carrying and it's future) If you use this one- again- make it in your own fashion of words.

" If you choose to place your baby with us, we will always be grateful that you trusted us with the most precious gift that life has to offer. You would make our dreams of becoming parents come true. ( um, every adoptive couple feels this way- it's not unique to you and don't assume every reader will want to hear that their baby is a "GIFT" like something you can register for at Nordstrom or Target. Yes, there is an act of giving involved but it's called PLACING a child with another not Giving a Child away.)

Remember ONE of these type of phrase is Enough. You can add a tad of it in the beginning letter or the closing letter but, Be sincere and BEST OF LUCK! You will be matched with the right situation one day, if you don't give up and truly come to Understand that you can't do this whole Parenting thing without Her or them. Such a Honor and Sacred Trust we Hold.


SO these are Some TOP 10 Stupid things People do to Mess Up  Profiles! Now YOU are informed and can write your letters/ profiles and all things geared towards expectant parents with more LOVE, understanding and clarity.
 

As Always, Love you all so much

* And I hope you find your DREAMS will COME true in and out of Adoption. Also, Remember to Pray for guidance as you write these very important words ( or meditate to mother Earth- whatever floats your boat!)

~CC

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK and Birth moms - any thing I'm missing???? Comment!